Officer Involved Critical Incident: Our Story, Part 5

{PART 5}

Oh man. We were 6 days out from the incident and life just slapped us across the face. I was so frustrated. We had just found out that we had lost our baby. I was 12 weeks when I found out. My hubby was 5 days out from his attack.

I had never in my life felt more crazy. I legit felt a little psycho. I was beyond stressed.

Not only were we dealing with physical injuries for my hubby which includes different doctors and appointments, we also had investigation crap on top of it, which included stress and interview on its own.

And now we had a baby that we had to pass. And no one knew when that would be happening or how that would work out.

I had one day to relax before doctor’s appointments, investigation interviews, and trauma counseling would start.

On that one day I headed to my chiropractor because the night I found out about passing the baby, I also got a migraine. I know, right?!

I literally just laughed at this point.

But I knew my neck was out of alignment since it was an aura migraine. And since my chiropractor was also a functional medicine doctor, I RUSHED to have him help me.

I desperately needed sleep and for my blood pressure to chill. I just wanted some relief from the craziness I was feeling.

Within an hour of visiting his office and getting some adrenal support herbs and CBD oil, my blood pressure returned to normal.

And that night, I slept for the first time. 6 hrs straight. It was such a big blessing for me because I woke up feeling like I could man what was ahead of us that day.

I finally felt safe enough to drive. So the next day, the hubby and I loaded up and headed to the doctor’s office to have a consultation on his fibula break.

We didn’t know entirely what to expect but we knew we were going to an amazing doctor’s office.

The drive there wasn’t easy in that we were both still paranoid. It was as if we thought someone was going to jump out and hurt us.

It makes no logical sense, but it was very real.

Being around people was like being struck by lightning then hanging out in a lightning storm.

It was terrifying.

My hubby sat down in the office. Silent. Beyond stressed and feeling helpless. He felt that he couldn’t do anything if something did happen.

His face was still beat up and his eyes were heavy. People tried to make small talk. But he just couldn’t.

The appointment went well. We expected 8 weeks and it would heal. We were sent on our way with instructions to come back in a 4 weeks to check progress.

After that, we headed back to the hospital to get the stitches out of his nose.

Walking in to the very hospital that we were exactly a week before was exhausting. So. Many. Triggers.

But more than anything…the underlying theme was helplessness. We just felt helpless.

It was uneventful in that they quickly got us in and out and we were able to get on our way.

But MAN, we were exhausted by the time we got home.

The whole day I couldn’t stop thinking about how I had a dead baby inside of me. It sounds so morbid, but it was just heavy.

I didn’t want to pass the baby because I felt peace with him still with me. But it was very weird knowing he was in there, no longer living and growing.

It was as if a cloud followed me and I was just waiting for it to rain. Waiting for the baby to pass.

That next day we had investigations interviews. And MAN! That sucked.

But before the interview, I sat and talked with the officer who picked me up. She told me how scary it was to walk up to Greg injured. She expressed her sorrow for us losing our baby at such a horrible time.

But then she told me about how she isn’t super religious but genuinely believed that this baby was his guardian angels. Because Greg’s injuries did not match the witness statements.

Chills ran through me. Because she spoke out loud exactly how I felt. It was just another confirmation of his protection and our baby’s role.

Then it was time for him to be interviewed.

We sat in a conference room as a lawyer came in to tell my hubby his rights and how to guide him through an interview. She explained the types of questions the investigators would ask.

It was absolutely frustrating to me that we even had to do this. This A-hole almost killed my hubby. And the hubby has to “defend” him and the officer who saved him.

Yes, I get why it’s necessary. But it was still infuriating.

I wasn’t able to go with him into the interview, obviously. So I waited in the conference room.

It seemed to take 8 billion years.

After it was over, we walked down to our truck and just sat and talked. The feeling was somber in the car.

We sat and cried as he talked about how hard it was to relive it all. It made it all real again and right back on the surface.

He was shown his body cam footage. And it was so hard.

He turned to me and said “when I was hit, all I could see was bright white.” And from the moment he was punched to the moment the threat was taken off of him, he couldn’t see. But it wasn’t like “lights out”. It was “lights on”. Bright white. As though his head was surrounded by angels, preventing blows from connecting.

We sat and cried. We literally felt a wave surround us. I remember exactly where we were when we felt that our baby was who helped protect him.

We both felt that this baby had fulfilled his mission. He was sent here to protect his daddy and he did.

We went home, filling so grateful and at peace with what our baby was sent here to do.

As soon as I got home, a knock came at the door. Calla lilies. Those are my favorite.

But they were WHITE. Just like the theme for the day.

20 minutes later…another knock at the door.


2 different people. 20 minutes apart. Same flowers. Same days. Same color.\

I broke down. I was beginning to have the answer I do desperately prayed for the night we found out we lost our baby.

The timing was so horrible. But so angelic all at once.

Stay tuned for part 6.

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